a cute toaster

I found my spirit

When Vancouver put up a bid for the 2010 Games I was against the idea. When it was announced that Vancouver won the bid to hold the games I heard a huge roar in downtown Vancouver, and a co worker and I turned to each other and moaned “nooooo!” I  voted no in the Vancouver Olympic plebiscite (we lived in East Vancouver at that time).

I thought that all of the money being poured into the games should have been used for other things (like helping the Downtown East Side, paying for more doctors, etc.) but I realized that the Olympic money wouldn’t have been available for these things. I know that the games are going to end up costing the city, province, and country a lot of money, and I am worried about what’s going to happen with city employee’s contracts.

But you know what, it was a great time. Corny as it is, I feel so much pride for our country and our athletes. I feel proud of the athletes from around the world who overcame huge obstacles and put in countless hours of training to just be here.

I’ve never seen as many smiling faces as I did last Saturday when Paul, Dale and I went to wander around Vancouver. It felt great to give in and enjoy the experience.

Yes, it’s true that the hockey games were pretty much the big deal for most people, and I doubt the mood tonight would be as happy if we didn’t win. Maybe it was bread and circuses. But goddamn it, for a few days we were united for a common purpose and celebrated something greater than ourselves.

It’s not over yet. The paralympics start in just over a week and those athletes are heroes. Those men and women are brave, and have more guts than I can imagine. I wish they got more recognition, because they truly deserve it.

A glimmer of light

There is something in the works that I’m very excited about, but I don’t want to say anything about it yet because it’s not a given that it will happen. But I’m pretty optimistic that it will. My fingers are crossed!

Message undeliverable: return to sender

Dear universe,

I’ve been kind of kicked when I’ve been down this week. Not sure if you’re to blame for it, or if  it’s just the way things worked out. But I must confess, your latest message has be a little confused.

Is this a “help me help you” type thing? A “don’t say I never do anything for you”? A sign saying “THIS IS A SIGN – DO IT”?

I know that somethings your messages are a little unclear or mixed. It’s okay, everyone’s communication skills could use a little work. Would it be too much to ask you to use some sky writing or a neon sign?

Am I tempting your friend fate to jump in here? Or your best pal Murphy who practices law?

Universe, can you please just say what you mean, and mean what you say?

KTHX, toast.

Springy

The weather has been nice lately. It seems very spring-like: the crocus are blooming, the grass is green, the pussywillow tree is all fuzzy…even the cherry blossoms are starting to open on the tree outside my clinic.

You know what spring means, right? I get my Ninja back!

We would have taken our bikes out already this year if they were close by and if it wouldn’t mess with the storage insurance (that little problem will be fixed when we re-insure – the third party insurance we’re going to get allows you to change to and from storage whenever we want).

It’s hard to be patient, though. Every day it seems like I see more and more bikes on the road. On the way home from work today I saw a couple of Harleys, four sportbikes, and a sport-tourer.

Instead of obsessing (heh) over the upcoming riding season, I’ve been putting together lists of stuff that we need, and all of the things we’re going to do.

No words (except for these)

I spent a great deal of time this weekend reading a practice management book for work so I could glean some ideas for our clinic. I came up with lots of great (if I do say so myself) ideas.

This was supposed to be part of a big meeting with my boss to discuss the clinic, my role, and his goals. It kind of sprang from me telling him why I was missing from work for two days last week. I thought that it was important for him to know, and for him to know that my anxiety started with work and expanded outwards. Not that I’m blaming work for my problems/illness, but my message to him was if things don’t change then I have to leave. I thought at the time that he understood and wanted to work things out so I wouldn’t be so stressed out.

Now I’m not so sure.

The meeting was originally scheduled for last Thursday, the day after I came back. It didn’t happen, we got busy, blah blah blah – story of my life here. So we made arrangements to meet today, off site, as it’s not a day that my boss is scheduled to be in the clinic. Well, if that meeting did happen, this post probably wouldn’t, heh.

I called him to see if he was coming and and no, he’s not. He’s too tired from the weekend.

I spent a good portion of my weekend doing work and research – as I was asked – and the meeting is cancelled.

Now I’m sitting here, quietly angry.

So, the theme for February’s NaBloPoMo is “ties“. What ties me to this dysfunctional practice?

I guess this is something that I’m going to have to examine.

Dreams

I had some very vivid dreams last night; maybe because it’s the first night that I’ve had decent sleep in awhile. My brain must have had a lot of junk to process though because they were weird.

A new problem

On Monday I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The weekend was Fun Times, let me tell you. I had my first ever panic attacks and a complete breakdown of epic proportions.

My anxiety is centered around my job (oh, surprise!) but has crept out and coloured nearly everything, to the point that I am not able to make a decision about anything without agonizing over it.

So I’m left now contemplating a lot of things. I’m trying to be gentle on myself for this first little bit, but there are some big questions that need to be answered.

Actual phone call I just received:

Caller: “So is there any chance that you would spay my kitten for free?”

Me:  “No. The price is $xx.xx which includes the exam that must be done before we put your pet under anesthetic.”

Caller: “I thought that if I said I had no money you would have to do it for free. Isn’t it some kind of an oath? To treat poor people’s animals for free?”

Me: “Actually – no. And I don’t think we’d be in business too long if we didn’t charge for our services.”

Caller: “Oh. Never mind then. I thought I’d try and see if you’d do it. The other animal hospital said the same thing.”

I’m not sleeping

I closed my eyes at my desk. They burned more for a few seconds, then they felt better. The howling and barking in the background faded away. The dizziness I felt receded then disappeared.

For a few minutes I could have been back at home, tucked into my warm bed, all cozy in my pajamas. I could almost smell the sweet, marshmallow-y scent of TKO on my pillows and shirt. The best feeling when I’m exhausted: the comfort of my bed as I drift off to sleep. A few more seconds with my eyes closed and I’d really be sleeping…

I opened my eyes and a wave of exhaustion crashed over me.

No, I did not sleep well last night. I don’t own enough concealer to hide the rings under my eyes (they’re there even when I’m at my most well-rested). I have zero patience, and I find myself perplexed by the simplest problems.

Argh.

Best gift

For our anniversary/birthday (my upcoming birthday) and Christmas we got each other motorcycle boots. Paul’s are the white pair to the right (SiDi B2) and mine are the black and red pair to the left (SiDi Vertigo Lei).

These are the most expensive footwear I’ve ever owned, which isn’t really saying much because I’m not really a “shoe person”.  (Purses and bags of any type are more my thing.)

There aren’t nearly as many options for women’s boots as there are for men, and the few pairs of men’s boots that I tried on were all too wide. Unfortunately the only pair that fit well and were comfortable were the most expensive boots…they’re kind of overkill for my skill level.

That being said I’ve already shredded the tendons, ligaments, and cartilage in my right foot and ankle twice (once when I was in grade five involving a skateboard and again when I was 20 involving a motorcycle…) and my doctor told me it would be great if I could avoid doing it again since I already have permanent damage to the tendons.

Can’t wait to try them out on the bike!