Posted in February 2012 …

28 February, 2012
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Me, Soapbox

Why I’ll keep taking drugs

A lot of people are resistant to taking antidepressant drugs, or are on them with the hope/goal of getting off of them as soon as possible. When people find out that I take antidepressants they often ask “when are you going to get off of them” or “are you trying to reduce your dose?”  My answers are probably never and no.

Panacea, the Greek goddess of the Universal Cure

Getting enough fruits and vegetables, sunshine, omega fatty acids, and vitamins will help mitigate my issues, but the can’t cure messed up brain chemistry. Trying to keep a positive attitude only works if your brain has the right chemical balance to be able to have those feelings. Maybe diet, vitamins, or ultrviolet light together or alone can allow some people to get over depression but it’s not a panacea. Also ultraviolet light = skin cancer. I’ll burn before I get enough sunlight to create my own vitamin D, unfortunately. It takes about 18 minutes of exposure to mid-day sun at the latitude where I live. I burn in less than a third of that time.

I am thankful that I have found a combination of mediation that allows me to function normally with little-to-no side effects. The reason why I can appreciate the taste of fruits and vegetables, or enjoy the sunshine is because of the drugs I take everyday.

“Of course you won’t get off of them with that attitude!”

I don’t understand the push to not take prescription drugs. They’re antidepressants, not heroin or oxycontin. They allow me to fully live my life and allow the people I care for to live with me. My doctor and I have discussed seeing if I can taper one of them down to the lowest effective dose but for now I’m happy where I am.

That’s the point right there: I’m happy. If someone wants to judge me for taking pills to help keep me happy I won’t be able to change his or her mind, but I don’t particularly care. It’s my life. I only get one; I want to make the most of it.

27 February, 2012
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Cow & Toaster, Life, Me, Work

Sun, flowers & stuff

Today was bright and sunny, a welcome change from the snow and hail yesterday. It’s cold though. It seems like winter isn’t going to give up without a fight.The front yard of one of the houses down the street from where I work is blanketed in orange crocus. I’ll have to get a picture on the next sunny day. Instead here’s a picture of me with hair that is almost crocus-coloured with a flower:

Molokai 2007: me with ginger hair & a ginger flower

I had my six-month review today and it was overwhelmingly positive. One comment that stood out is that I handle high-stress situations without losing my cheerfulness. It’s true, and it’s become second nature to me now. I guess that by trying to keep a positive attitude and getting my chronic neck pain issues taken care of I’ve been able to get out of the negative cloud I was stuck in.

Crazy how that works.

Anyways, I leave you with Paul examining the ginger flower outside our cabin. We were just discussing today how we miss Hawaii…

Paul hasn't seen flowers blooming outside in November before!

25 February, 2012
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Creativity

I caved

The smallest box of crayons I have ever owned.

23 February, 2012
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Life

Getting me through the day

  • Coffee imported from Hawaii (supplied my my employers as a “thanks!”)
  • Loud dubstep in the car (Paul introduced me to Skrillex)
  • Knowing World Superbike & MotoGP are starting soon
  • Japanese dystopian novels (Battle Royale & The Stories of Ibis)
  • Jasmine green tea in the afternoon
  •  Snoring dogs on the couch

Maggie & Bender sleeping on the couch (not pictured: me squished into a tiny corner)

February seems to be about running out the clock until the weather is consistently nice enough (i.e. warm enough; there is a snowfall warning in effect tonight and into the weekend!) to get the bikes out. Although usually after we do it rains for two weeks straight!

Since it’s easy to slip into “I’m bored” I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied. I redesigned this blog and my other one. I’ve been reading a lot. I purchased a creative journal book to get myself back into the mindset. I saw a big box of crayons today that I really wanted, but I’m on a “no frivolous things (except for the SARK book & a translation of a dystopian Japanese novel)” spending plan. I don’t think I need a box of 48 Crayolas, but I’m sure I’d have fun with them. I wonder if I can still get lost in sorting the colours into their “proper” order.

I hate the feeling of wasting time (the concept that time is a commodity is really weird if you over-think it) and living life on “pause”. Waiting for something in the future that you anticipate is one thing. Spending your life waiting for it to get more interesting/fun/whatever is another. A waste, useless – things don’t change until and unless you do something about them.

Even if it is just doodling with crayons.

19 February, 2012
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Creativity, Me, Work

Work & re-capturing something lost

When I took my job everyone (including my new employers) wondered if I would miss working in a veterinary clinic and want to go back.

I thought I would miss it too and figured that I’d get over it…but I don’t miss it.

Yes, there are aspects of the job that I do miss: being around puppies is pretty awesome, and getting to know the pets and their people is (usually) fun and rewarding. There are a number of pets and people that touched my heart in the seven years I was in the industry, and even though it’s unlikely I will see them again I still carry those memories. The people I worked with were an amazing bunch and I’ve learned a lot from everyone that was a part of my career in the veterinary world, especially the doctors and staff at the clinic that took me in as a practicum student and hired me.

I know in the grand scheme of things that my job isn’t important. I don’t save lives or invent iPods. I do help make the day easier and smoother for a dedicated bunch of people, and I feel like my contributions matter. At the end of the day when I leave I want to feel satisfied that I did something – and in this job I do. I’ll never be famous for being a world-renowned IT administrator and I won’t change the world, but you know what? I’m happy if I can keep the database working properly and get the maximum efficiency from the workflow.

One thing I want to work on is my creativity. I am a creative person, but I have a hard time finding time to express it. I’m going to make it a priority because I think – no, I know it will be good for me. Like motorcycling helped my confidence, re-attuning myself with my creativity will make me more confident and happier.

8 February, 2012
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Life, Me

“Save it for another day…”

Liking yourself doesn’t mean that you can’t be upset with yourself when you do stupid things. It means somehow you have to find it within to forgive yourself and move on.

It’s one thing to know, it’s another things altogether to do.

I don’t know why it’s in my nature (or human nature) to dwell over mistakes and wallow in the bad feelings that they create. It doesn’t help anything or fix the problem. It’s not as though there is an amount of regret that I can feel that will fill up a container so that everything magically goes away.

I would like a place I could call my own / Have a conversation on the telephone / Wake up every day that would be a start / I would not complain of my wounded heart

1 February, 2012
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Soapbox

Wagging

“If a dog wags its tail, it is safe to approach, if not ignore it.”

From a comment on the story Leash law remains in force in Vancouver on cbc.ca

A common misconception about dogs is that a wagging tail means “happiness” or “friendliness”. While this can be true, a wag can have different meaning ranging from:

  • Happiness
  • Friendliness
  • Excited
  • Wants interaction
  • Uncertain
  •  Questioning/unsure
  • Aggression

When I worked in a veterinary hospital one of the most aggressive dogs we saw was a Jack Russell Terrier that wagged his demonic little tail as he tried to bite off chunks of our flesh. Sure, he looked (to the less experienced eye) friendly, but what he was saying was “I’m excited! I’m going to interact with your face using my teeth!”

I think that people who spend a lot of time around dogs can read the tail wag (and accompanying body language) better than people who don’t spend time with dogs. I know the difference between Maggie’s “I hear you but I don’t care” and “YAY COOKIE I WANT ONE NOW GIMMIE!” Bender has the “…um, I don’t know what you want me to do so I’ll wag, I guess” and “YAYAYAY  ILOVEYOU I’MGOINGTOLICKYOURFACE!”

My point is: relying on a dog’s tail to tell you how the dog is feeling is like only listening to the words a person says to know how he or she is feeling. We all know “I’m fine” (arms crossed) is quite a bit different than “I’m fine” (smile).