Posted in April 2012 …

16 April, 2012
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Life, Me

Normal

I live in a house in the depths of suburbia. I know people that look down on those of us who condesend to live outside of the bubble of Vancouver, especially *shudder* Surrey. I’m married to someone of the opposite sex. I commute two hours to and from an office job. I take pharmaceuticals. I don’t eat a weird diet (other than avoiding dairy when I don’t have any lactase). I don’t belong to a weird/alternative religion anymore. The political party that I  support gets elected (indeed, they are Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition right now).

According to a lot of blogs and articles that I’ve read lately, unless I want to “fuck the system” and live off of the grid,  dump my drugs (’cause the drug companies are eeeevil and my brain is now in their power), and only eat vegetables that are harvested under the waning moon that I’m in denial about the suckitude of my life, and/or I’m just a sheep plugged into the system that “they” have created. I’m too content with a conventional life when that life is a shadow of what I could have if I only embraced their way of living. Otherwise, I’m in the Matrix and I don’t want out.

The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.  – Morpheus, The Matrix

I came home on Friday feeling like I was one step away from having 2.2 children that I drive to ballet lessons and soccer practice in my gas-guzzling mini van with a little sticker family on the back window. I was standing in the bedroom with my Hello-Kitty pajama pants on and a purple shirt around when my head when I Paul stepped out od the shower. I pounced on him as soon as he took the towel off of his head. “Paul, do you think I’m too normal?”

Paul visibly paused. “You…normal…? What?”

I tried to explain it to him. He cut me off. “How much does Dani Pedrosa weigh?”

“52 kilos!” I responded promptly. (Note: it seems he’s dropped a kilo from last season and he’s now 51kg.) “Hm, I guess normal people doesn’t know things like that, and the fact that Rossi, Spies, and I are the same height, and SRAD came out in 1996…”

“Right. Normal people doesn’t know these things. Are you going to get dressed, or are you going to walk around with that shirt around your head?”

7 April, 2012
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Life, Maggie & Bender show

On dogs

JJ on a sunny day.

My brother had to put down his dog yesterday. JJ had lymphosarcoma that had spread and Graeme and Laura knew that it was time for the last goodbye. I happened to call him the night before and I knew as soon as he answered the phone that something was wrong.

My brother and I come from a family that loves dogs. Growing up there was only a short period of time when we didn’t have a dog in the family.

Last summer Maggie had surgery to remove a lump from her neck. The lump looked suspicious of a mast-cell tumour, but luckily the histopathology came back clear of cancer. I was a masochist and monitored Maggie while she was under anesthetic. Call me crazy, but I’ve always been at least present while Maggie or Bender have been under general anesthetic. I know some people I worked with couldn’t bear to watch, but I always had to be there.

As the veterinarian was putting sutures in, she remarked that Maggie was very healthy, and given her estimated age, she’d probably live another five years. “Only five more years?” I asked, shocked. The doctor replied “well, that’s about the lifespan for a dog her size.” Bender is close to Maggie’s age, so the time applies to him, too.

Ever since that day I’ve had a timer counting down in my head. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Every time I’m reading, or surfing the internet, or playing a game, or doing something else that requires my attention and Maggie or Bender (or both!) want attention the same thought crosses my mind: “when they’re gone I’ll remember these times that I could have played with them and I’ll regret that I didn’t”.

Then I watched these Youtube videos. I’ve seen “My First Friend” before and thought that I could get through it, but the tears were running down my face as soon as it started. “A Dog Story” wasn’t what I expected, and I cried through it too. They are only a few minutes long, but have tissues ready:

I can’t imagine our life without Maggie and Bender. I hate that my mind always reminds me of how short of a time we have with them, but I try to make the most of it.